I think there is a serious epidemic going around. I have deeply thought about why relationships are failing and the high rates of divorces. I think people are in love with love and not in love with the person. In some relationships there are three elements involved. Her. Him. Love. It has been proven that when a person first falls in love that a lot of physiological changes occur. Your body releases more endorphins (these are the feel good/relaxation hormone that you feel after an orgasm or after high doses of adrenalin are released). You’re literally on a super high. Now after this period ends, which I think is usually six months to a year for most you are ‘normal’ again. I guess once something becomes routine it becomes normal. For most people I suppose it isn’t exciting anymore and as a result they have fallen out of love with love itself, because they were never in love with the person to begin with. I call these people ‘love junkies’.
Of course the beginning phases of a relationship are wonderful and exciting. You’re exploring one another and learning the inner and outer workings of each other. I think there is also a beauty in regards to fully knowing the person as well. You know those couples who have been married for 20+ years and they can finish each others sentences. She’s knows exactly how he likes his coffee. He knows what to do to make her happy when she’s upset. These are the relationship veterans. They stuck it out and fell in love the proper way, with the person that is, not with a fantasy.
After my divorce I had a lady tell me that I was so lucky to start from the beginning again. She told me that the beginnings of relationships are the best and after that you know what to expect. She told me ‘It’s boring’ and ‘They always treat you right when you first meet’. To an extent some of that probably holds truth. The idea of starting over again is actually not that exciting to me. Of course it must be done because I want to be married one day, God willing. But there is nothing fun about having to filter through men to find a husband.
I find it very interesting how the human being adapts to change. I know many Muslims don’t believe in evolution, I am a skeptic myself, but we must acknowledge the fact that Darwin emphasized the fact of human adaptation. Adaptation comes in many forms be that physical or emotional.
When I first got married I adapted to the role of ‘wife’ very quickly. I knew what was expected and what I had to do in order to fulfill my role. After about six months of being married I couldn’t remember my life before being married. Its strange how that happens, right? I just settled into being married so swiftly. Anyways, this brings me to another point. Now that I have been single for over a year, after being married for three, I am really settling into my role as a single young woman. Doing my own thing when I please. I clean when I feel like it and I don’t when I am feeling lazy. It’s nice not having to answer to anyone, BUT I can see how this gets old real fast. I mean REAL FAST.
Even though change is inevitable at times, I am not a big fan of it. I like consistency. Knowing what you’re gonna get. I'm not a love junkie at all. I adapt when I need to but its not something I enjoy. Is it really something anyone enjoys though? I guess not…
Peace, Love and ever-lasting happiness to all!
BMWomyn
First, i throughly enjoyed your thoughts. You remind me of myself in some ways. i think that adaptation as you pointed out is a necessary survival mechanism even in the emotional sense. I believe there are two facts of life, that no one can disagree about, death, and that change will always be a part of life, even if it's in linear or cyclical form. i think that with most things there is a fine balance between pleasure and pain. Change sometimes challenges you to to see a different side of yourself than you didn't even know existed which can be exhilarating. However, being overwhelmed is another story all together. i understand the desire to stay in homeostasis, that is our most natural inclination but that's just the complexity of life. We have needs and tastes that fluctuate, and they may contradict one another at varying times. Essentially we must appreciate what we have while we have it, if we are going through change see the good in it, and if we are relaxing in a routine, see the good in it.
ReplyDeletealso, i totally know what you mean be the "love junkies" love that term. i wish more young people could grasp the importance of differentiating between loving a person, and loving the feeling of "being in love" i think more relationships would have more success with that kind of mindset.
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