Hijabi Evolution

I've been wearing hijab since I was 12. Seeing both my mom and other women I admired wearing it encouraged me to put it on at an early age. I have a host of kiddie pictures with me sporting a hijab and shorts. At that age you just want to be so much like your mother. Overall, it's part of my identity, it's who I am. When I think of myself I always imagine something wrapped around my head. The color or the style doesn't matter as long as I have something there. Just like our personalities, our attitudes evolve over time as well. As I've become an adult my attitude towards hijab has changed slightly as well.

Of course I wear hijab because it's mandated in Islam, but I also wear it because its what I'm used of doing. You know how some people have a set routine in the morning. Wake up. Brush teeth. Get morning newspaper. Drink coffee. You might not necessarily get the routine but you're so used of doing it that you just keep at it. In a sense hijab is like that for me. If I went a day without wearing it, it would be like missing my morning coffee (minus the caffeine headaches!). I'm a firm believe that it's human nature to find solace in patterns and routines. Most people don't particularly care for spontaneity. Without hijab I would just blend in with the masses. Hijab is what singles me out for what I want to be identified with, and for me that's Islam.

I used to do the whole under your neck safety pin thing, but I grew tired of it. I wanted to find a balance of being Muslim but at the same time expressing my African roots. With certain hijab styles I felt as though I was emulating other groups of people. I know what you're thinking, 'We're all Muslim, so whats the big deal?'. Yep, you're right we are all Muslim but we still have cultural influences that are expressed in how we dress and express ourselves. I wear a variety of styles but lately I have stuck to the hijab wrapped in a bun. I love earrings so I prefer something where I can incorporate a sense of my own personal style. I have been told that many Muslims don't consider this to be 'proper' hijab. I remember once I was in the mosque and I was about to pray and an elderly Muslim lady ran up to me and tried to put a hijab on me (mind you I was already wearing one!). I kindly said I was alright, but I was slightly offended! People tend to view Islam as a religion of strict and rigid rules, but there is so much versatility! I don't think there is one proper way to wear hijab but rather there are many interpretations depending on what region you go to. What about our West African sisters and their geles or our Iranian sisters and their chardors?

One question that often comes to mind is, I wonder how the female companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) wore hijab... Obviously, they didn't have safety pins or straight pins back in the day. I wish I had a picture. The first time I saw Tinariwen (side note: awesome band if you like world music!) the female vocal lead stuck out to me. I bet you the female companions looked liked her. Just pure elegance! Beautiful modesty!



The evolution shall continue!


Peace, Love and ever-lasting happiness to all!
BMWomyn

Oh, no she didn't! :snaps fingers:

Black girl attitude. Roll those eyes. Snap those fingers and most of all don't take crap from anyone (except your momma, of course). Many people might consider it a stereotype, but remember stereotypes are just a generalization. A stereotype is just an exaggerated element of the truth. My Allah, do Black girls have a host of issues. I'm just being real. We're just angry, angry at our given circumstances. I think many of us feel as though we were handed a short deck when it comes to life.

Many people perceive Black women as being overly aggressive and intimidating. Is this always true? Certainly not! But, it really makes me wonder why we always have our defenses up. I work with a lot of other Black women and believe me, its a constant battle. My experiences at work has made me wonder why we act the way we do. Are we worried that people will walk all over us? Is it perhaps an indication that we view ourselves as inferior compared to other groups of women? Maybe we feel like we have to prove something. That something, I don't know. I think it traces back to being oppressed. Think about it. Let's say you have a young child. This child is told constantly "You're worthless", "You'll end up pregnant at 16 so what the point of school?", or "Look at that nappy mess on your head!". Eventually this child will begin to lash out and act out. This acting out covers up the deep feeling of worthlessness. People act out when they have nothing else to do. Defenses are always going to be up, even if at times the parent might have good intentions. Our experiences as children shape what type of adults we become.

The ironic part is that with all this attitude and our defenses up 24/7 we still allow our men to treat us like dirt. He'll sleep with you, get your pregnant, fool around with other women, but at the end of the day he doesnt have the decency to marry you (again not all!). Girl, put your defences up where they are needed! Shut his behind out! It all relates back to our poor self image and self esteem.

Peace, Love and ever-lasting happiness to all!
BMWomyn

G-Mama

Life. If we're brought into it then surely we will have to leave it. My sweety pie Granny, or as we sometimes call her G-mama, has been ill for the past several months. She's in hospice and has been declining very rapidly. I have never seen someone slowly die, especially not a loved one. I was sitting with her one day and I thought to myself life is a full circle. We leave the same exact way we came in, totally dependent on others for our basic needs. On a physiological standpoint (Yep, you know I had to throw nursing into this!) your body regresses and begins to shut down. Your body is literally shutting down system by system. Your oxygen levels go down, which results in your limbs (feet and hands) becoming discolored. She is in this state. The shut down state. Knowing that she has been sick and that she has lived a beautiful life has allowed me to come to terms with her impeding death. Certainly it doesn't make it easier, I wish I had more time with her! I'm sure if she lived for 500 more years I would still want more time, right? The only issue that I have problems coming to terms with is that when she dies we'll only have memories, nothing tangible. Maybe a comb she used to use, or her favorite chair in the living room corner but her absence makes those things pointless. It's just going to be an empty space, a comb that should have freshly combed gray hair in it and a chair that looks far too empty.

She's lived in her home for over 50 years. My Allah, that is a long time! People back in her generation bought homes and stayed in them, not like today where we make major moves a couple times during our lifetime. To think that she won't be there when I stop by to visit is absolutely beyond me! We all associate places with people, and that home is her place. My point of this post is not to talk about my G-mama and her death, but to bring up a related thought.

My grandmother has served as a link between me and my African American identity. As I've mentioned before I've been exposed to many different cultures. The older I get the more I have realized that I associate best with my African American side, but don't fit in very well. My grandmother grounded me and her presence was always a reminder that I am a descendant of strong Black women and to be proud of my African roots. You might be thinking 'Well didn't your mother do that?'. To a certain extent yes, but growing up in a multi-ethnic household we had a mix of everything going on. I certainly didn't feel Sudanese due to the fact that I didn't have a relationship with my father and culturally I felt a tad bit Turkish (due in part to my Stepdad raising me and my younger half-Turkish sisters), but again I didn't fit in either. The older I get I realize she was the grounding force behind me developing my identity. So her death has made me feel as though a part of my identity is dying right along with her. Isn't it interesting how you have these sudden epiphanies?



May Allah forgive you and all of us for our sins and make the judgement in the grave an easy one. I pray that your grave is spacious and filled with light and most of all that you are reunited with Grandpa because I know your heart has longed for him something great. Rest well Grandma and I'll see you later. Love you lots!

Peace, Love and ever-lasting happiness to all!
BMWomyn

Arranged Marriages, Polygamy, and chocolate cake

Black Muslim Womyn sounds kinda intimidating, doesn't it? Being Black ain't easy, being a woman certainly isn't, and most would agree that in this day and age being a Muslim is not a piece of cake! I'm just being real as far as who I am and hope that people will be able to value my frankness.

I am going to be taking many different approaches to this blog. The main intent is to bring up socially conscious issues dealing with women on a spiritual and holistic level. By profession I am a nurse and work in an acute health care setting in a major hospital on the South side of Chicago. At first I had the intention of creating a blog solely with the purpose of being a platform to discuss health care concerns. My interest is Community Health with an emphasis on Women's' health, but I thought that perhaps I would attract more readers if I discussed other issues besides Women's' Health. Now on to the first post (non health related!)

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If you asked the average Joe or Jane there are are two words that are synonymous to marriage in Islam: Arranged and Polygamy. The notion that young Muslim girls are coerced into marriage and submissive to a man twice their age is largely accepted by most people. The mere idea that someone would even voluntarily consider a polygamous relationship is totally out of the question. Let's just let it all out. Harems, honor killings for girls who refuse potential partners, and the legitimization of beating 'misbehaved' wives, I think you know where I am going with this. Sadly, we haven't given ourselves a fair chance either, because some Muslims do practice these things.

If you go back about 60 years, heck I could even say 40 years many non-Muslims, the average Jane and Joe were partaking in what today is considered an 'arranged marriage'. People didn't just shack up and have kids or use elective abortions as a form of birth control. Many people waited. Waited for the right guy or gal to come along and when they did it wasn't a race to the bedroom. Rather families were involved and counseled the young couple about their plans and the sanctity of marriage was respected. Getting family involved is not considered arranged. This new 'date don't wait' deal is why teenage pregnancy is on the rise, STD's are spreading like wild fire, and why people are generally unhappy with their relationships and sex lives. Let's look at it like this. Let's say we have a most crumbly chocolate cake. You love this cake so much and this is the only cake you will eat. Every restaurant you go to you'll ask for this chocolate cake and you refuse to substitute it with anything else. One day you think 'Hey why not try the lemon tart or the very vanilla.' So you try it and you love it too, life has suddenly become so confusing and now the chocolate ain't so good no more. Now you want a taste of every cake that's out there! You used to be very satisfied with the chocolate, but now it just isn't 'enough'. This same analogy applies to relationships. There is a sweetness of waiting for that special person. Trying all there is to try will only leave you confused and bitter. Why do you think people always reminisce about their 'first time'. Moral of the story, stick with the chocolate.

On a more serious note, even though the average Muslim woman is not forced into a marriage there are some cultural constraints to marrying a person your parents pick out. This is why Islam is the way it is. In Islam for a marriage to be accepted a woman has to verbally vocalize her acceptance of the man. She is asked, not by her parents, but by the person officiating the marriage. In the West, women are more independent and opinionated as compared to our sisters in other countries. I have friends who bring their husbands to be to meet their parents. Understanding the importance of parental approval and maintaining your independence might be a fine line for some to walk. If its done successfully it can result in a beautiful thang. Parents happy and most of all YOUR own happiness.

On another note there are some women who decide to enter a polygamous relationship. From what I have observed these women fall into three categories. Those who think that being a co-wife will make them more pious, those who think they have no other option (ex. divorcees, converts with kids) and lastly those that don't want to be bothered with a man 24/7 (yep, you read that right).

Personally, I would NEVER be in a polygamous relationship. There are those who can do it and there are those who can't, which is why, THANK YOU ALLAH, it's optional. I feel like those brothers (and some sisters) who put sisters down who choose not to practice polygamy are absolutely in the wrong. How many of us have heard a man say 'Well the Prophet (peace be upon him) practiced it and don't you want to be like him and his blessed wives...' Now, tell me how do you get out of that one? You can't. Its like being backed into a corner. I've heard the other infamous line 'Well, how many men out there cheat on their women. Polygamy helps Muslim men with that.' I've also heard it helps to keep your pants on... First off, its important to remember that polygamy was not implemented for men to have a legitimate excuse to sleep with more than one women. More importantly, polygamy was helpful during times of war when women were left widowed and needed support, both financially and emotionally.

Lastly, don't be fooled and think that only men take advantage of polygamy. Many Muslim women do as well. Think about it you have a man paying your bills and you only gotta see him three times a week! SCORE! Part-time husband. You can still have your needs met and not have to deal with his stanky behind all the time. Sounds bad, but many women do it.

With shows like SisterWives I suppose polygamy might be more accepted in mainstream culture. I guess it only becomes cool when white folks do it. :/



Peace, Love and ever-lasting happiness to all!
BMWomyn