You know how your parents tell you things and then follow it up with 'You'll understand it better when you get older...' Oh my Allah, did that get on my last nerve! I think its a natural response not to understand exactly what your parents mean and think you already understand whatever there is to be understood. My grandmother used to say 'A hard head makes for a soft behind.' My gosh was she right! Most of us are so headstrong when we're young and to top it off highly naive. We think we know everything and fall into mistakes that could have been easily avoided if we just listened to our elders. Thankfully, I never made any huge mistakes because I am a self-proclaimed scaredy cat and extremely cautious. I always think to myself that some mistakes are easy to recover from, but others can impact the rest of your life. I don't consider babies to be mistakes, but I can't help but think about this when I see pregnant teenagers in the hospital. Granted it's not right to assume that everyone has parents who can guide them, but for those of us that do its important to listen. What really gets me about teenage pregnancy in particular is that its a cycle. A majority of girls who have babies have mothers who were teenagers when they had them. I just don't get it.
Back to the topic! I've always had a pretty close relationship with my mom and stepdad. I was closer to my mother just for the simple reason that she's another woman. My stepdad is a great man, I hope Allah continues to bless him for taking care of me. Ameen. When you're young I think its normal to put your parents on a pedestal and think that they are perfect and know everything there is to know about life. This is before you hit your mid teens, mind you! Once you get older you realize your parents are just people. People, just like you, who are trying to navigate the complicated road of life.
I'll be turning 25 soon inshAllah and I am slowly reaching the point where I can better understand what my mom was talking about when I was younger. Personally, I feel like my early 20's was a state of self exploration. You are in the state of trying to find yourself and determine where you fit in. I have been told by several people that once you get closer to your 30's you are pretty set and that is the way I am starting to feel. I still have 5 years to go inshAllah! :-) I am more accepting of my individuality and feel more comfortable expressing it. Thank you Allah.
Peace, Love and ever-lasting happiness to all!
BMWomyn
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Love (not diamonds) is forever
Recently, my mom told me a story. She is an OB/GYN nurse and helps deliver babies. There was a lady who was having a very difficult labor and eventually ended up dying of DIC (disseminated intravascular coagulation), sometimes the stress of pregnancy causes your body to do wacky things. During delivery some women will lose the ability to clot. Literally, you will bleed through every orifice in your body. Your eyes, nose, ears, EVERYWHERE! Your blood pressure decreases something awful and you lose consciousness and eventually die. It's an awful sight. May Allah protect us all. Anyways the baby did survive, thank God. After the incident there were several reports of the lady wandering the room where she gave birth. People said she was looking for her baby. Only Allah knows. One of the other nurses even had a conversation with her and told her that the baby was ok and with his father and that it was time for her to leave. I am not a mother yet, but I understand that the relationship between a mother and her child is so strong and deep even before birth, so I can only imagine how much stronger it becomes after seeing and holding the baby.
No one can deny that love is a very complex and complicated thing. Falling in love is easy, staying in love is a different story. HA! :P I often wonder about the relationship that humans have with one another. Parents and children, couples who have been married for years, new lovers, and those who carry around their love without confessing it. It's so deep, so mysterious, and is one of the few things that lasts forever, it even surpasses death. I know for some it might be slightly far fetched but I think people, as well as animals, can die of a broken heart.
All this talk about 'I'm doin' me' or 'I don't need no man to make me happy' I don't care who says it because its all smack. Girlfriend, you need to stop it and just admit the truth! We were made to be in pairs not alone. Being single is nice in the sense that you have more independence, but over time people yearn to be with another person. Why do you think we have cat ladies? Or people who dress up their dogs and buy them gourmet meals? They are lonely and since they lack a strong human connection, they've resorted to the next best thing which are animals. I understand this even more now that I am single. There is no greater blessing than finding someone who will love you through thick and thin. Someone who will accept you for your flaws and listen to your silly stories when everyone else could care less. I love to hear stories of couples who have been together for 20+ years and know each other inside and out. I can only imagine and fantasize at this point but I'm sure its a beautiful thing.
Peace, Love and ever-lasting happiness to all!
BMWomyn
No one can deny that love is a very complex and complicated thing. Falling in love is easy, staying in love is a different story. HA! :P I often wonder about the relationship that humans have with one another. Parents and children, couples who have been married for years, new lovers, and those who carry around their love without confessing it. It's so deep, so mysterious, and is one of the few things that lasts forever, it even surpasses death. I know for some it might be slightly far fetched but I think people, as well as animals, can die of a broken heart.
All this talk about 'I'm doin' me' or 'I don't need no man to make me happy' I don't care who says it because its all smack. Girlfriend, you need to stop it and just admit the truth! We were made to be in pairs not alone. Being single is nice in the sense that you have more independence, but over time people yearn to be with another person. Why do you think we have cat ladies? Or people who dress up their dogs and buy them gourmet meals? They are lonely and since they lack a strong human connection, they've resorted to the next best thing which are animals. I understand this even more now that I am single. There is no greater blessing than finding someone who will love you through thick and thin. Someone who will accept you for your flaws and listen to your silly stories when everyone else could care less. I love to hear stories of couples who have been together for 20+ years and know each other inside and out. I can only imagine and fantasize at this point but I'm sure its a beautiful thing.
Peace, Love and ever-lasting happiness to all!
BMWomyn
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Death Desensitization
As you can imagine being in a hospital you are around death ALL the TIME! People die, people are born and some of us are just caught in the mix somewhere between. As of now, none of my patients have died on me, but I have seen some of the other patients on the floor die. Recently, I had an experience that struck a cord with me. It made me very upset.
All of our patients are hooked up to tele monitors (heart monitors that track how fast/slow their hearts are beating and determines whether or not its in a normal rhythm). We have a technician and his job it to look at a computer screen and evaluate heart rhythms. Anyways, I was sitting with him looking to see how my patients were tracing and I noticed that one of the patients was starting to decline. A normal heart rate is between 60-100 beats per minute. This guy had gone down to 42 and the technician asked me to go find his nurse and to inform her what was going on. I eventually found her, gave her the 411 and she rushed into the room to look at the screen. By this time his heart rate had hit the low 30's. Come to find out he had a DNR order (do not resuscitate) and you'll find this with a lot of patients who are chronically ill or who are far too sick and understand the importance of quality over quantity when it comes to your life. Regardless, she's sitting in the room with us and his heart rate is going down by the minute and I am waiting to see if she'll go in the room with him. I'm itching in my shoes because I am a firm believer that no one should die alone! We don't come into this world alone and we shouldn't leave alone either. I was about to leave and head to his room, but being a new nurse I felt as though I would be stepping on her toes (which I regret now). Even if its a simple touch of the hand or caressing ones forehead, be there with the person. Eventually, he got down to zero and was pronounced dead and she looked at us and made the comment 'How cool, I've never seen someone bottom out that fast!' and this comment was followed up with a smile and a small chuckle.
I've had people tell me that I need to toughen up or grow extra skin, but I choose to think differently. I know you can't lose it every single time a patient dies, but viewing it as a joke or even 'cool' is absolutely beyond me. If it was your mother or father it wouldn't be so 'cool', so why does this scenario make it any different? When someone on our floor dies it makes me reflect on my own life and that my time is eventually coming. My hope is that I never reach the point where I become desensitized like many other nurses and doctors I've seen.
Peace, Love and ever-lasting happiness to all!
BMWomyn
All of our patients are hooked up to tele monitors (heart monitors that track how fast/slow their hearts are beating and determines whether or not its in a normal rhythm). We have a technician and his job it to look at a computer screen and evaluate heart rhythms. Anyways, I was sitting with him looking to see how my patients were tracing and I noticed that one of the patients was starting to decline. A normal heart rate is between 60-100 beats per minute. This guy had gone down to 42 and the technician asked me to go find his nurse and to inform her what was going on. I eventually found her, gave her the 411 and she rushed into the room to look at the screen. By this time his heart rate had hit the low 30's. Come to find out he had a DNR order (do not resuscitate) and you'll find this with a lot of patients who are chronically ill or who are far too sick and understand the importance of quality over quantity when it comes to your life. Regardless, she's sitting in the room with us and his heart rate is going down by the minute and I am waiting to see if she'll go in the room with him. I'm itching in my shoes because I am a firm believer that no one should die alone! We don't come into this world alone and we shouldn't leave alone either. I was about to leave and head to his room, but being a new nurse I felt as though I would be stepping on her toes (which I regret now). Even if its a simple touch of the hand or caressing ones forehead, be there with the person. Eventually, he got down to zero and was pronounced dead and she looked at us and made the comment 'How cool, I've never seen someone bottom out that fast!' and this comment was followed up with a smile and a small chuckle.
I've had people tell me that I need to toughen up or grow extra skin, but I choose to think differently. I know you can't lose it every single time a patient dies, but viewing it as a joke or even 'cool' is absolutely beyond me. If it was your mother or father it wouldn't be so 'cool', so why does this scenario make it any different? When someone on our floor dies it makes me reflect on my own life and that my time is eventually coming. My hope is that I never reach the point where I become desensitized like many other nurses and doctors I've seen.
Peace, Love and ever-lasting happiness to all!
BMWomyn
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