As you can imagine being in a hospital you are around death ALL the TIME! People die, people are born and some of us are just caught in the mix somewhere between. As of now, none of my patients have died on me, but I have seen some of the other patients on the floor die. Recently, I had an experience that struck a cord with me. It made me very upset.
All of our patients are hooked up to tele monitors (heart monitors that track how fast/slow their hearts are beating and determines whether or not its in a normal rhythm). We have a technician and his job it to look at a computer screen and evaluate heart rhythms. Anyways, I was sitting with him looking to see how my patients were tracing and I noticed that one of the patients was starting to decline. A normal heart rate is between 60-100 beats per minute. This guy had gone down to 42 and the technician asked me to go find his nurse and to inform her what was going on. I eventually found her, gave her the 411 and she rushed into the room to look at the screen. By this time his heart rate had hit the low 30's. Come to find out he had a DNR order (do not resuscitate) and you'll find this with a lot of patients who are chronically ill or who are far too sick and understand the importance of quality over quantity when it comes to your life. Regardless, she's sitting in the room with us and his heart rate is going down by the minute and I am waiting to see if she'll go in the room with him. I'm itching in my shoes because I am a firm believer that no one should die alone! We don't come into this world alone and we shouldn't leave alone either. I was about to leave and head to his room, but being a new nurse I felt as though I would be stepping on her toes (which I regret now). Even if its a simple touch of the hand or caressing ones forehead, be there with the person. Eventually, he got down to zero and was pronounced dead and she looked at us and made the comment 'How cool, I've never seen someone bottom out that fast!' and this comment was followed up with a smile and a small chuckle.
I've had people tell me that I need to toughen up or grow extra skin, but I choose to think differently. I know you can't lose it every single time a patient dies, but viewing it as a joke or even 'cool' is absolutely beyond me. If it was your mother or father it wouldn't be so 'cool', so why does this scenario make it any different? When someone on our floor dies it makes me reflect on my own life and that my time is eventually coming. My hope is that I never reach the point where I become desensitized like many other nurses and doctors I've seen.
Peace, Love and ever-lasting happiness to all!
BMWomyn
wow!... that IS hard. As the daughter of a former DNR patient I can say yes it is 'good' that he went quick....but I don't know if I'd say 'cool' or even chuckle. (hugs) However, I DO know the pain many of those patients go through and their families. There is generally NO quality or quantity to their lives at that time and 9 times out of ten the decision to sign a dnr is well thought out before hand. As for the his dying alone... that is a whole different issue I can't speak on. Did he want to die alone? I know sometimes I like being alone...but at that moment?????? It's hard to say....Allah U Alim. Maybe you can ask the next patient if they want someone with them, before they slip into the dark abysses that is between life and death? I don't know see what that person decides. I'm sad that it affected you so much and even more so sad that the other Nurse took it so lightly. Death is no chuckling matter and we should all realize, as you have; that is our destination in the end.
ReplyDeleteI think you should definitely keep your compassion. I think thats why a lot of people are afraid of hospitals and doctors, b/c it seems like a cold place where people do not care, noone wants to feel like just another body in a ward ya know? If there were more nurses like you I think that people wouldn't dread medical places so much. Also as a Muslim you knew that death is an important time, so I'm sure that affected you too...
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to understand, but some people have various ways of dealing with tough situations. Some people cry when they're struggling with a situation, while others laugh or make a joke when they are nervous. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are insensitive, but that they too need to release that energy. A reaction is better than none at all.
ReplyDeleteamor y paz.